Monday, August 8, 2011

Crafty Update

This has been the summer of craftiness for me. I've had a lot of unaccustomed free time, and when I'm not reading outside I'm working on something indoors. The first thing I wanted to do was get something up on the bare, soulless white walls of our apartment.

Then I stumbled on this.

It seemed an easy enough project, so with judicious application of some birthday money, I obtained the supplies. On this expedition, I also found these. For only $1 each.


I may have felt like a horrible person when I ripped the first one apart. I've never destroyed a book before and it was a very traumatic experience for me. After I recovered from the shock of ruining literature, I followed the guide and came out with a fairly satisfactory product.

Yes, I shamelessly copied the design of the example. I have no art skills.

They're now hanging above the mantle. I'm planning on making another, across three canvases, with a giant octopus attacking a boat. I'm not sure how well this will turn out.

That was the most successful of my crafty endeavors.

Next we have the cross stitch from hell. Remember this? From a year ago? Yeaaah. Still not done. I've made progress though!


The doom sweater has been knitted and now needs to be put together. It's currently lurking in the depths of my knitting bag - I haven't had the courage to confront it.

And now we come to what is currently the bane of my existence. My mother gave me her old sewing machine last year, and after making an eight foot squid pillow and a disastrous attempt at a shirt, I put it away and refused to think about it.

Until now, when I have tons of free time and nothing to do with it.

I'm trying to make a dress. This dress. And, like the cursed shirt, the pattern claims to be easy. It's not. It's ridiculous. (Or, more likely, I haven't the faintest idea what I'm doing and am blundering along in the dark).

This is a week's worth of work.

I've become intimate friends with my seam ripper.

I have a sneaking suspicion that this is going to look awful when it's finished, but even if that's the case I am going to wear the hell out of this dress.

I'm not stumbling, lost in this dank forest of confusing instructions and mindless re-sewing for nothing.

Why do the people on Project Runway make this look so easy?

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Invasion

After living in a basement apartment in SE Idaho for three years, I'm accustomed to the habits and evil of hobos (the spider, not the homeless person).

I've been attacked in the shower, whilst covered in soap and unable to defend myself. While lying in bed from a suicidal hobo on a mission. While in a seated, compromising position (it's hard to scrabble away screaming when your pants are around your ankles). They've come out of drawers, shampoo bottles, boxes of toiletries, and from underneath my sink. They'r
e evil.

I thought I was safe by moving to Reno, out of hob
o territory yet still far enough north to avoid the more terrifying desert bugs.

I was wrong.

Horribly, horribly wrong.


Two weeks ago, I walked into my room and saw a gigantic fuzzy blob lurking near the window. Radiating malevolence. I ran to get my glasses to see what the hell it was. It remained fuzzy. I should have known all that was about to befall at this point, but alas, I am only human. I called Dan into the room to get his opinion. He started shrieking. I started shrieking.

It was not my proudest moment.

You see, I am conditioned to fight eight legged things. I see a gi
ant fuzzy blob, I see eight legs, I leap into action with the hobo killing book. I'm good at it. The hobos and I had an understanding. This had . . . rather more than eight legs. Plethora is a good word to describe the horror.

Dan ran for the first weapon he could find, which happened to be a hiking boot. This was a poor choice. You see, when you're confronted with the very face of Satan on Earth, you want a wide flat surface with plenty of crushing power. Not a surface layered with crevices that the vital portions of the centipede can hide in. Dan dealt the fiend a mighty blow that would have destroyed the most stalwart of hobos. I was yelling encouragement along the lines of "Oh, oh GOD, WHY IS THAT IN MY HOUSE."

The centipede got stuck in the crevice.

Then the hell monster was forced out of the crevice on the upswing. (damn you physics, you betray me yet again)

Enter five minutes of shrieking and running around until we spotted it on the windowsill. Dan slammed the window down, and we thought we were safe.

It took a stiff drink for me to have the courage to open the window and take this picture.

Until the centipede's family came back for revenge.

The kitchen, two nights later: Centipede runs from under the dishwasher, up Dan's leg, then back under the oven. Mocking our helplessness in the face of its unholy terror. The day after that: Dan is perched on the floor playing video games. He starts flailing and jumps up - to have a centipede fall from his shorts.


I am losing my mind. Two weeks of leaping up every time I feel the slightest brush on a leg or arm to do a full body patdown. Two weeks of poking potential hiding places with my sword before picking them up. Two weeks of giving every structure in a room the stare when I walk in. You know the one - left over from our days spent slightly lower on the food chain. The one where you seek out any possible threat while poised to run.

My plan of keeping all doors and windows closed seems to have been working. I haven't seen one for a few days now. But I know they're there.

Waiting.

Watching.

Plotting.

Monday, August 1, 2011

July Books

Or, what I read when I'm not forced to pour over guidelines and studies.

In an absolutely shameless theft of idea and execution from the lovely Sarah, I'm going to do a quick review of the books I read during July. The amount of free time I have right now is shocking, really.



Salt, by Maurice Gee. Dystopian YA. Hari's father is press-ganged into working in Deep Salt, a mine harvesting mysterious materials that no one returns from. He sets off to rescue him. The writing in this was . . . odd, but the world building was interesting. First in a trilogy.



A Murderous Procession, by Ariana Franklin. Historical Mystery. Adelia returns as the forensic specialist in Henry II's England, this time sent as a physician on a political mission back to her home country. I'm usually not a fan of mysteries, but this series is entertaining and the setting well chosen. There's a satisfying lack of anachronisms and while the attitudes of certain characters seem suspiciously progressive, overall it's believable.

Death and the Librarian and Other Stories, by Esther Friesner. Short Story Collection. I was not a fan of this one. 'A Birthday' and 'A Pig's Tale' were interesting, but did not make up for the rest of it. The writing was awkward and filled with characters with heavy accents. A frustrating read.



Uglies, by Scott Westerfield. Dystopian YA. Tally is waiting until the day she can have plastic surgery to become a Pretty, like everyone else in society, but ends up tangled with a group of people living outside the city and control of the government. This was an interesting premise, but the main character was frustrating. First in a trilogy.




Pretties, by Scott Westerfield. Dystopian YA. Having given herself over to the officials at the end of the first book, Tally is now a Pretty. She's forgotten most of the events of the first book and is content to live a life of endless entertainment - until she's reminded of the reason she returned. The slang in this book was *obnoxious*. The society continues to be an interesting idea, but the main character is not much more likeable here than in the first one. Second in a trilogy.



Wizards at War, by Diane Duane. Fantasy YA. Older wizards are losing their powers and memories, and it's up to the younger generation to find out why and confront the Lone Power yet again. This is 8th in a series, one I've liked for a long time. The magic is systematic and scientific, a refreshing change from most books dealing with the subject. The writing is engaging and the world building, as usual, is well done.


My brilliant plan is to emulate Sarah's fabulous blog and do one of these posts every month. A fabulous aunt of mine decided to start a book club on facebook, so hopefully I'll get some good reads from that.

Now I should probably go study. Bleh.